The Funeral Process

Everyone at some point has or will go through the funeral process. I am going through it right now with my grandmother. Tonight was the receiving of friends, and I have never seen so many people all gathered for one person who isn't on television or in the public's eye. There were around 600 people estimated (my estimate, hehe) that came through the line.

Now before I go too far and sound harsh for everyone that came, let me explain- I only knew about 10 people (out of 600!!!). Each of the 600 that came deeply cared for Mama or my family, and I am incredibly thankful to each of them, but why does this night always become the night to sit and chat? I mean, we stood in line for 2 and a half hours. We are the ones who "lost" (i quote because as my uncle Sonny quoted someone- we are the ones lost, not them.) a family member, yet we must stand in a line and console others by the multitude? It doesnt make sense to be honest, there could be a much easier way to go through it.

To be honest this de-sensitized me alot to this. because I just wanted to go home. I wanted to kick all people except for my family out and sit and cry as we all watch the memorial video or pictures of mama. But instead I had to smile and shake hands of people I don't know, won't meet again, and be polite about the whole thing.

Maybe I'm ranting, I'm definitely being a little selfish, and I apologize for that, but this is how I am having to deal with all of this.