On The Coming Day

The coming days bring joy and sadness
Infinite fear of finite possibilities
Hope for tomorrow and longing for the past
Creates a swirl, like a hurricane, in today

The hurricane rages and blows with force
Flooding memory lane and dream street
All in one swift move, it moves through town
The eye of the storm, giving rise to love

The love now comes through
LIke lightning at night
Like dew in the morning
But water and electricity shouldn't mess

And so the coming days bring joy and sadness
Impossible completion and plausible ends
I long for today, and no one else
Today, I long for you.

75

The leaves they fall in pattern
A race to the finish
As the wintry mix
begins to hold its family reunion
Your hand is cold to touch, but mine
is warm enough for two
so come on over, and watch the
reports with me.

Listen to the leaves die for what they believe in.

For i need you here. In my jumbled mess. I my times
of confusion that mixes with the outside air. And we feel it, we all do.
It's just as much a part of us as white blood cells and neurons.
I look at you, and the sun runs off in terror of the moon.

I can't help but imagine the future of past actions, the way you learned to walk. To talk, and how it brought you into my winter life.

perfect

the perfect words/ the perfect rhyme
the perfect end to a perfect night
the way you looked/ when you looked at me
that heart stopping smile that you flashed at me

prechorus:
you spoke- i listened/ you hoped- i'm wishing

chorus
those summer nights under the southern skies
from the sandy beaches to the silent drives
the way we laughed, the way we cried
the way neither one of us could say goodbye
under those southern summer skies

lying here/ in your arms
your singing me your favorite song
the sun goes down/ i kiss your lips
i'm dying to tell you everything i feel

summer's gone/ time to head back home
back to friends/ gone from summer loves
i lie in bed/ and think of you
and how if i could i would jump to you

just nine more months/ i'll be on my way
going back to our special place

run

i was standing on the edge of nowhere
waves were crashin in the night
moonlight guides my path across the shoreline
you cross my path, walk into my life

the trouble with love is that its always a mystery
two hearts trying to find their way in the dark
ups and downs and stupid little love songs
walking hand in hand as we fall apart

what you said to me
changed everything i thought i'd be
what you said to me
changed everything i could ever be

run, we'll run
hold on to the moment, until it's said and done
run, we'll run
the sun might not set, and tomorrow might not come
so run, we'll run
and the clocks will wait for us

you were walking wearing that purple sundress
talking about life like you had it all figured out
i told myself that this time would be different
but i still fell headfirst, i took the dive

dreams

the dreams we have may or may not have anything to do with our reality. of course the dreams and few moments after waking beg to differ. in those moments, reality is arguable. falisfiable. like santa. Santa is fake, but real. there are millions of santas, yet not a single one.

would our lives truly be better if our dreams were true? i'd like to think not, because the best parts of life are the moments connected with emotion. touch, feelings, love. i wouldn't trade that for dreams. ever.

but in the moments we question reality, we find it in its truest form. we are vulnerable to the basics of reality- the things we take for granted in the business of our day to day life. the pains of being human, the limitations of mortality, even the way light shines in the room makes the possibility or idea of reality beautiful.

it is all beautiful. everything.

stuck

i'm stuck on you
like dew to a blade of grass
i'll leave by force- but always leave a part of me behind

i'm stuck on you
like white on rice
or some other really lame line
and you'll never lose me.

pain

you loved me through the hard times
and i can't deny you were there in the good
something in me needed something in you
so much it hurt



not a physical pain, mind you
but a pain nonetheless
a pain that seaped inside my soul
crying to be left out



and on the day our two souls merge
that spirit will unlock the door
hurling the pain back to its world
as you give me the gift of love

Remember me

remember me when i go to high

when i follow the rules

but ignore the suggestions

remember me when i lavish you in gifts

flowers and roses

and intoxicating smells

remember me when i tell you i do

when i take you in my arms

when i lay you down

remember me when i lose the fights

when i come out victorious

when i don't come out at all

remember me when i can't make a smile

when i can't see the light

when i can't continue on

remember me as your lover

as your completion

as part of you

and when you do remember me

keep me as a memory

Police Murderers

Although this incident took place on September 4, and it is 16 days later, I am writing now on it. I had to take time to investigate for myself, to get my facts straight.
This incident I talk of is the death of Rev Jonathan Ayers, of Lavonia Georgia. He was shot and killed by police officers. And yes, you saw right- Reverend. As in pastor.

There are two stories out right now. One has video evidence. One has an entire police department of crooked cops with blood on their hands.

It seems that Reverend Ayers was seen with a target of an undercover drug operation in his car at a shell station. When Ayers left the gas station, he got into his car as a black SUV drove up, and two plainclothed officers, dressed to the part of drug dealers, got out with guns drawn and ran up to Ayers car. Ayers put the car in reverse, hitting one of the officers/drug dealers/murderers and then began to go toward the other officer/drug dealer/ murderer. The officer/drug dealer/ murderer fired a shot into the car because he was pulling toward him in a "threatening manner". The bullet hit Ayers in the chest, and he died in surgery.

That is what happened. Here is the video of it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZFlzvt0w7Q



Know, here is what the police say happened:



The officers saw the woman in a car with Ayers and saw what they believed was a drug transaction, Bankhead [GBI spokesman] said. They followed the car as Ayers dropped the woman off at a gas station.
The undercover officers wanted to question Ayers about what they had just seen, he said. "They approached the vehicle. They were in plain clothes. They identified themselves as police officers, which civilian witnesses say happened. They also had badges around their necks."
Ayers put the car in reverse and backed up, striking an officer, Bankhead said.
According to Bankhead, Ayers then put the car into drive, and another officer fired into the car, hitting Ayers, because he thought his life was in danger.
"The subject kept going and drove off," Bankhead said. "And later he ran off the road. He was taken a local hospital, went into surgery and died an hour later." (Via ethiopianreview.com)



There are several things wrong with Bankhead's statement. First off, he apparantly has never had any dealings with police officers, especially undercover ones. But here is a list of questions for you:



1) Why would undercover officers blow their cover just to question someone they have never seen, with their guns drawn, yelling police?

2) Why would undercover officers wear badges around their neck? Unless they were finishing their undercover operation.

3) The police department originally lied to the family, saying Ayers was killed in a traffic accident. Why would you lie if you did nothing wrong?





Each of these questions has the same answer- these police officers murdered a man who had done nothing wrong, and didn't want to be held responsible. These "officers" are on paid leave right now!!!!

Are you outraged as you read this? I hope so. Because it gets worse. Ayers' wife is expecting their first child. These officers just made this child hate police for the rest of his life. Because how can you respect, tolerate, or even just dislike a little an organization that killed your father for doing nothing wrong? You can't.

These officers have blood on their hands, and the guillotine awaits them.
I visited the Stephen's County Sherriff's Office website, and looked at their "Goals and Values"
Let's look at a few of them.
-ADHERE TO THE HIGHEST ETHICAL STANDARDS, both individually and as an organization, to ensure that individual rights are protected
-CONDUCT CRIMINAL INVESTIGATIONS that successfully identify and prosecute those that violate the law and disrupt the quality of life enjoyed by our citizens;
-PROVIDE PEACE AND PUBLIC ORDER by delivering professional law enforcement services that address the needs of victims of crime, by rendering assistance during times of natural disasters and emergency occurrences, and by ensuring the preservation of life, liberty, the protection of property, and the safety of the Stephens County citizenry;
-SECURITY: We are committed to keeping our citizens safe and enhancing the quality of life within Stephens County.

The list goes on. And maybe I am holding the Sherriff's Office too accountable. Maybe these police officers are just retarded, and Sherriff Shirley felt bad for them.

But I can tell you one thing- I would never live in a town where anyone protects a murderer. I say we wait until they are in a car, and they we rush out with guns and claim to be police officers but have no badges. Apparantly that is how you can kill someone with no legal ramification.

Luckily, vengeance is not ours, but God's. And for that I am thankful.

Unpredictable

So my previous post was about how I need faith in God. This weekend at the retreat He showed me that He will take care of me. It rained every night, but when we were supposed to play in the lake, the sun was bright and high in the sky!

We had prayed that God would show up- but we never expected how. And before I go too far, I would like to say that I never cry. The last time I cried that was even comparable to this was when my now fiance said she needed some time alone (single) to think, when I had an engagement ring. But God shattered me as I witnessed Him break my students Saturday night. I wept that night, but because I was sad, not because I was happy, but because I was witnessing God at work like I never had before. You could feel the heaviness of the room when you walked in, and for the first time- I was speechless before God.

I had prepared how I would type this out all yesterday, but now that I am, there are no words that are worthy of what happened. So this post will be short, and if you want to know the power of what happened- there was someone there that you can ask, He can tell you firsthand what happened.

Will

today is the day of the fall retreat with my students. I should be stoked. and I am. but I am also stressed. alot. You see, I don't do well with administration stuff, so while I can hop in a van and go somewhere with kids- the politics, paperwork, and money of trips like this freak me out. Some of it is because I am unexperienced with it, and as I get used to it it will get better. Some of it is my own low self esteem that I can't do something that I actually can. And some of it is just plain paranoia.

For example- it is raining right now. Weather channel says it will all weekend. That would be great except we are going to a place where the only real fun stuff to do is outside. Now granted, it will be fun regardless, but the "main attractions" if you will, are outside.
I realized that I never checked the weather when I planned this. But then I realized- God did. And if I was operating under God's will when I planed this, then He knew all along what the weather would be like. And even more awesome- if it does rain tomorrow- it is because He wanted it to, for a specific purpose.

I wanted this weekend to be about unity, and how else do you unite than being stuck in a room with people!
I posted on my twitter today "Pray for clear skies tomorrow". How stupid of me.
I was thinking out of my own selfish plans because that is what I do when I panic, I try to fix it myself. And everytime I am scrambling to try to find some difficult answer, like "I need it to not rain" rather than using Occam's Razor and arriving at the simpler answer hours before my difficult answer. The easy answer is this- "if it rains and you can't go outside- who cares. God is there with you, and He planned this weekend. God doesn't get His plans rained out."

It all boils down to my faith in God. There are a few ways Christians rely on God. (1)Janitor- They pray to Him asking Him to fix things for them. To clean up the mess they have made. (2) High School Guidance Counselor- They come to Him after trying to sort through it on their own and halfway listen until they have their answer. (3) The Lottery- Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. But then there is number (4) The Leader- People pray to God to guide their lives, to plan for them. When something goes "wrong" they realize that it's not wrong, its exactly the way God meant for it to happen. Nothing is outside of God's will.

Remember that: nothing is outside of God's will. Not your flat tire, not your family tragedy, not your promotion... not the rain at your retreat. Because it's not yours. It is His flat tire, it is His family tragedy, it is His promotion. You are the surrogate, if you will.

Ouch

So I just read 1 John 4 yesterday. If you read that passage without feeling any kind of brokenness, I feel sorry for you.

The idea that love exists only through God is amazing. Think about it- romance is not love-romance builds into love. Dating is not love. Dating leads to love. But even better than that- each of these things, if they are leading toward love, they are leading toward God.

Verse 8 says this, "Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." Basic algebra in this verse: Love=God (or God=love). This means you can switch this verse around a bit. here are some other translations, just for you.
"Anyone who does not know God does not know love, for God is love."
"Anyone who dows not obey God does not love, because God is love."

Get the idea?
To know God is to love God. To love God is to obey God. You can't love your wife and disobey her requests/commands.

This verse should feel like a sledgehammer to your knees, delivering crushing blows driving you to your face in utter brokenness.

It hurt me. Alot. I have always said that I love love, that I am a lover, that I know love. But this verse took me out back like a sick horse. Because get this- I don't love like I should. Not really. I love those that are easy to love, even worse- I love the idea of love. But if God is love, and love is God, and to know love is to know and obey God, I fall short. I fall short on both ways- I don't love like I need to, so according to this verse I don't know God at all like I thought I did; and I don't know love like I thought I did, because I don't over God like I need to.

This verse should sum up our faith. Not our religion, which consists of missions and outreach as well as faith, but ourfaith. Our Personal relationship with Christ. This verse is what our faith is all about- love.

And even better- if you are having trouble with patients, take a look at your love. We try so hard to become more patient, while saying "I got enough of love. I'm good on that."
If we are having to pray for patients, or kindness, or gentleness- we do not have enough love.


So why do we love? Do we love because Hollywood tells us to? Do we because we are sick of the hatred in this world? Do we love because it amazes us? We shouldn't. We should love because God first loved us (Verse 19). Anything else is superflous.

So- do you love? Do you know love? Do you know God?

Read this passage and take a look at yourself. You'll be suprise at what you find.

hopeless

hopeless

in a crowded room

crowded but empty in a dim

lit room

heartbreak

of a dream turned bad

the thin wanted most

will not be reached today

sitting on a bench

in the middle of the desert

wishing for the end

hoping for the end

but hopes comes in the dark

a spark in the black

one change to pick it up

grow it large

or simply let

it

die

Senorita

if only

i had known

the spanish

the dance would

have lasted

for

hours.

pane

the rain danced off the window pane
like disco on the floor
the moon was rising high into the sky
you and i were laying on the couch by the fire
but the wood was sending sparks
into the room

they said the storm would pass
in a day or two
but the sun won't return all week
they say its been too long
that we need the rain
but i'll spend the night in the den

the ghouls come out at night
but i always lock the doors
and leave a single rose on the driveway
the rain mixed with the night
makes evening perfect in our house
safe and dry in the perfect world

postModern Church Adapter

new from ikea: the postModern church adapter! with it those in postmodern churches can hear God in those traditional churches, and vice versa! Now the problem is solved.....

If only. People fight all the time over what "type of church" is better, and "God ordained." This problem has divided churches, destroyed churches, and grown churches. But the problem is that there is no problem, sort of. We try to make the problem about the church, when the problem is really us. You like traditional churches with hymns and organs and think its the only way God speaks to people? Great. You like postModern emergant type churches with loud, technical pieces of music with casual dress and tattoos and think that God "prefers" it this way? Awesome. both people here are being selfish and stupid.

who are we to think that we decide how God can speak to others? think about that, seriously, for a moment. i'll say it again: who are we to think that we decide how God can speak to others?

this mainly focuses on worship styles, as most of my examples will feature worship illustrations.
but here's my first point (and the only one I need.)

1)Worship isn't about you.
my pastor told me once, "if you can't worship God because of the type of music being played- it isn't God's fault, it isn't the worship leader's fault, it isn't the church's fault. it is your fault."
that hit me hard. I am working in a traditional church, but my worship style is very much that of a postmodern, technical sound. i was taken back. i had criticized hymn lovers for years, saying things like "there is no emotion in this, how can you really believe the words you are saying? do you even understand them?"

My grandfather is deeply devoted to hymns. he said once "Why do all these loud 'praise' choruses repeat so much? God only needs to hear it once. It probably annoys him!" For a while I was angry at him for saying that, wanting to correct him. But I was doing the same thing.
But to address this point- Yes, God enjoys hearing the same praise over and over. Look in Revelation 4, verse 8.
"And the four living creatures, each of them with six wings, are full of eyes all around and within, and day and night they never cease to say, 'Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!" (ESV)


The Sides

I don't like the dress code for many traditional churches. It urks me. Yes, we need to be reverent in our dress, but we shouldn't form a barrier between us and those who "obviously came in off the streets."

The view that anyting loud, containing drums, or anykind of bassline is a sin is absurd. And guess what- dancing- A-Ok. Trust me.
And the idea that the church is the people bothers me. Yes, the church is the people, but why doesn't that include the pastor? Youth pastor? Worship Leader? If one of those people does something wrong, radical, different- they face the fear of being let go. Why is the standard stay at a church around 4 years for a minister? Why do we have to form committee after committee with the power to let any position go at any point? Shouldn't the church being going through a journey together- congregation and ministerial staff?

Defending the traditional side: sometimes in the technical music we can get so carried away in turning music into a performance that we lose track of God. We get egos (i'm a worship leader- I can speak freely and honestly when I say that our egos play a part in us.) we bring out guitar solos, turn out the lights, and have a concert. yes- we need to play our best and perform with excellence- but for an audience of one, not one hundred, one thousand, or one million. one. The One. It's a thin line you walk with this type of music. One you don't walk so lightly on with traditional. Traditional is all about the congregation- the togetherness.

Also critiquing the emergant side: shock value. doing things like cussing and drinking on stage should be nowhere near a pastor and his sermon.that is not the place nor time to bring that stuff up. there is a church nearby where i am that is obsessed with shock value. i have heard it said from members of that church "My God kicks [explitive]." Well, dandy. Hallelujah. And while that is true- the way you worded it just made a nonbeliever that heard that say to themselves "what is the difference in them and me? They talk like me, dress like me. But they have to go to church every week. I don't." and go on living the life of a sinner because you wanted to seem like the world. You may have just been the reason a person is damned to hell. and for that- the blood is on your hands, and think carefully next time you want to say that.

now there are lots of things about this church I love, but shock value is not one of them, and arrogance is not one of them either. think and act responsibly, because you represent more than that clever name and slogan- you represent Christians everywhere- you represent me- you represent my Savior, and I will not let you sully His glorious name.

church isn't a magic act where you should start a point and make the audience gasp, then finish it and receive a glorious round of applause like you just escaped from an underwater tank in 2.5 seconds. we don't need david blaine preachers. we also don't need ben stein preachers. you know what i'm talking about- stands behind the pulpit and speaks with no voice inflexion what so ever. we need leaders.
we need people who are willing to hide behind the cross and take major risks for God.

Whatever we do, we need to be glorifying God. After all, isn't that what we were made for? We should be worshipping God in everything we do. Everything we do should point someone to God- not send them away, not make them question, not make them like church is irrelevant in this society. They should see God. The same God who parted the Red Sea; the same God who healed a leper, made the lame walk, made the blind see; the same God who came down here to die for us, so that we may, one day, see Him face to face and fall to our faces before Him with tears streaming down our face- trying to find a word- any word- that could describe how blessed and thankful we are.

Worship isn't about us. at all. The only part of us involved in worship is us sacrificing our needs and wants and laying them at His feet. So don't fight on what type of worship or church is "your style". Maybe try going to the opposite style for a while, so you can understand just how mighty our God is. praises never get old. "In The Garden" is just as powerful as "Soon" by Hillsong. "Amazing Grace" is just as powerful as "Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)". It is all about the manner of your heart.

Note: don't take this as church bashing, in any form, because it isn't. This is a concern of where the church is and where it should be going. That's it.

I'll Be (Acoustic Cover)

I recorded an video of my acoustic cover of I'll Be. Enjoy.

new computer

I just got a new computer Friday during the Tax Free Weekend.  I got the Dell Studio XPS, and I have to say I’m impressed.  Well, impressed says the least I could say.  It is great- the FastAccess facial recognition feature is amazing.

 

I hopefullly will be able to post many more videos and creative things with the help of this new computer!

finality

the waves crashed poetically on the shore
the storm was coming and we both knew it
we had to make a choice
a life of love and us
or that secret longing of what could have been

our hands touch gently as we walk
i walk ahead as you talk to your friend
i never thanked that friend- but i do it now
she convinced you to take that first kiss
that first step
that made my heart stop

nothing was ever the same after that.
to be continued

conqueror

he wept
for there were no more worlds to conquer

since he had laid in the trenches of his
misery and pain

the life
he had once left behind
now followed him to pick up where
he had once left behind

but the sun rose again
another day- another chance to return to glory
to return to the fame and fortune

he found the past back where he left it
picked up where he left off
to pick up the fill the trenches
one last time