Into the Wild

I watched Into The Wild last night, which was phenomenal. I didn't read the book growing up, I am not much of a Jon Krakauer fan- mainly because of his opinions in his book Into Thin Air. I am not gonna go into detail on that, because he did redeem himself on this.

First off- lets go with the obvious- Emile Hirsch's performance. It was brilliant. I haven't checked out to see how much weight he lost to look like he did at the end.

The movie was so good though, not necessarily because of the story, but because of the directing. The filmwork was amazing, enough to cause anyone to be like "that was a cool shot, that was a brilliant idea"

So yeah, sad movie, but really good.

On to about me...
I have my last show tonight at eCity Java. Its not my last show ever, but for a while. I am tired to being lied to, being manipulated, and all that by fellow musicians and venues and all that. I am gonna focus on recording for a few months, basically do exactly what Chris does in the movie, but on a different level. I won't be getting paid for my recording, but the opposite, my goal, my "Alaska" is the final product, that I hold in my hands. The feeling you have when its done but not released is amazing. To know you have something that isn't available, YET, to people.

The problem with what I am going to do is exactly what happens in the movie- unknowingly poisning myself. Chris takes what looks like potato root, an edible plant, and eats it, but it is actually a very poisonous plant that looks exactly like it. Chris had survived that long, and it wasn't really his fault, but at the same time, it was. To assume that what he thinks is good is. The same is true in the music industry. I have received numerous emails and whatnot, even calls, from "labels" wanting me to pay them to put me on a cd. Poison.

What I must be careful of is poisoning myself by not recording up to par. By not researching it all, but just "thinking good is good-" that will kill me.

I don't know where this music phase in my life is heading, because I cannot ever imagine 1,000's of people ever going and listening to a record of mine endlessly, or me performing before a sold out arena. So maybe this is just that, a phase, something I grow out of. But I don't want to grow out. I enjoy it, not for the "fame," because there is none now, but because I write songs, and perform them in front of people, and they enjoy it. I may never reach the attendance I want, but I always MUST enjoy it. The minute I lose that, I have become an entertainer, and not a musician.

So what decides what a sell out is in the musical sense? Have I sold out?