Staying Together

Yesterday, me and Dorothy visited another church with some friends.  The sermon was on couples: dating, marriage, ect. Our small group last night with Capstone was on marriage as well.  Let's just say it got me thinking a lot.

In America, dating and marriage is built around romance, while it isn't so everywhere.  Yet American Christians have a 50% chance of divorce.  Arranged marriages have a much lower rate of divorce.  Why is this?  And for the married people in the room- how do we avoid being part of this tragic statistic. [Note: This post is not about divorce, or fixing marriages.]

Too often here in America- we view dating as a place to display romance and affection.  Then when the relationship is over, we break up and stop talking.  All ties are cut because everything the couple had in common is now over.

When me and Dorothy first met, we were just friends.  Our friendship grew for three years, and we became very close in those three years.  There were few secrets the other person didn't know.  Out of that friendship our dating relationship grew.  I believe that is why we stayed together those years we were dating, even though we 'took a break' 3 times.  Friendship was our foundation.  If you knew us during those breakups, you know that we still spent time together, we were still close friends.

In our marriage, friendship is still a key part of it, and it always will be.

Pete Wilson recently published a post entitled, "How To Stay In Love."  In it he talks about America's obsession with falling in love.  In falling in love with romance.  We rush past crucial stages in relationships in order to satisfy our physical needs.    This isn't love.  It is selfish.
Erwin McManus once said, "To want to take is not romantic.  To long to give, now, that's romantic."

Staying together is all about being selfless.  Our small group leader told us, "Most mornings, we wake up and say 'What do I need to do today?' When we should be saying 'What can I do to make my spouse's day better?' [that was a paraphrase.] We need to be more concerned with our spouse than ourselves.  And when friendship is the base of the relationship instead of romance, its much easier.