A year ago today, I got the honor of marrying my beautiful wife Dorothy. Which means we lean on each other, lift each other up, love one another, treasure each other's company, believe in one another, and genuinely care for each other.
This past year has taught me, if anything, that as long as God remains a vital part at the center of our relationship, Dorothy and I can withstand just about anything. That is not to say that we are the perfect couple, or that I am challenging you to a 'couple-off'. I'm not saying that we are 'super-strong' and have 'figured it all out'. I'm saying that we have gone through some extremely difficult times this year- outside forces and situations that have really put to test our faith in God and each other. And proudly I can say that we have come out closer. To God. To family. To friends. and to each other.
We have learned things that could not be taught in marriage counseling, or read in a marriage book. But possibly could be taught in a marriage counseling seminar. Things like 'Cover Sharing 101', or 'You Are A Slob' (That's a breakout session for the guys) and 'Yes, He Is A Slob' (Breakout session for the girls).
But in all seriousness- God has truly blessed me in giving such a loving, caring, smart, beautiful woman to go through life with. I wake up each and every day honored.
The rain outside created a gentle melody that accompanied the laughter we shared. Staring out the window, deciding whether to wait out the rain, or to embrace life. You always did that- brought out the adventurer in me.
With a deep breath and a grip on your hand, I followed you out onto the damp street. You turned and smiled, rain falling on your head, making your skin glisten.
And as I stood there, with rain soaking my body, I felt complete. With you.
She didn't see it coming. She knew it would happen eventually, but the precise moment in time was lost to her. It was a cold night on December 30, 2009, and they were on their way to see Wizard of Oz on stage. But the play was the least important event of the night. The least life changing.
He picked her up and opened her door for her. When he got in, she complained about it being cold, and reached for his coat in the backseat. "No!" He grabbed the jacket from her. "It's mine."
He put the coat back in the backseat, and smiled at her with a small laugh. "I'm sorry- but I might need it later."
They had dinner at Red Lobster. She ordered shrimp, and he nervously choked down some biscuits.
They arrived at the parking garage, and walked across the Reedy River to the Peace Center. As they walked they held hands. Beside the fountain, over the bridge. She noticed his eyes were more focused on the surroundings than on her.
"I'm still cold." She said, smiling up at him, her eyes saying so much more than her voice.
He put his arm around her, holding her close. They made their way into the Peace Center, and up to the ticket counter.
There was an old, kind woman behind the counter. "There are twenty minutes until the doors open, dear."
She smiled at the couple, studied their faces, and said, "But you can walk around for a while."
The couple went upstairs and to a hallway overlooking downtown Greenville and the Reedy River.
He wrapped his arms around her, like a bear, as they stared out over the city.
And everything seemed perfect.
But then the fire alarm went off, and the couple was evacuated to the outside patio along with the other patrons waiting to watch the play.
"I'm cold," she said, looking up at him with eyes he could not deny.
He looked around for a second, and took off his coat. She noticed there were several people staring at him as he gave her his coat.
The play began, and ended, in what seemed like a second. And before they knew it, they were walking back to their car across the river.
Holding hands, they made their way down the stairs, as he looked at her, and nervously said, "You know that I love you, right?"
She laughed, "of course, silly."
"Good." He said, staring straight ahead. She could tell he was nervous about something.
They made their way over the bridge. He stopped her mid-way.
"You know that your my best friend, right?"
She laughed less this time, but still smiled, "Yes."
Again, he looked straight ahead, looking for words.
"Good."
They started walking past the fountain, and could see their car up ahead. His hands were sweaty in hers.
"Let's sit down here for a minute." He said, voice shaking. "It's pretty tonight."
He took a deep breath.
Her heart pounded.
He stared at her in a way he had never stared at her before.
In what seemed like a nanosecond, he moved from sitting on the bench, to down on his knee in front of her.
She laughed, "What are you doing?"
He looked up at her, hands shaking as he reached into his coat pocket, and pulled out a small red box.
He had words he wanted to say- a speech, a sonnet. But all he could muster up was, "Dorothy Lee Nowak, will you marry me?"
"Of course I will!" She smiled brighter than she ever had before, as she watched the ring slide onto her finger.
Just then, a little girl and her grandmother walked by.
"Look Grandma! Their kissing. Ewww!"
"Honey, be quiet, this is a sweet moment, not a gross moment."
He looked into his new fiancées eyes. "I'm sorry I couldn't give you my coat earlier. I didn't want you to find it. A couple of people did see it when I had to move it into my pants pocket. I was scared you'd notice that."
Their lives changed that night. Nothing was the same as it was when they arrived. And she never saw it coming.
I promise to be strong for you.
To make sure you never fall to far,
and if you do, I'll surely pick you up.
Because strength isn't about repetitions or weights, but about stubbornness and willingness combining in a singular, beautiful fashion.
And I promise that for you.
He looked at her, for a bit longer than is considered normal and appropriate, while not falling into the category of creepy. Nothing was said, he just stared as she slept soundly.
She was his. Not in an ownership kind of way, but in the kind of way where one gives everything up for something wonderful. Love. Marriage. Life.
He was a fan of ‘what if’ scenarios, and wondered what life would be like if he had never married her, never taken the chance six years ago with his best friend. If he had stayed simply friends. He saw a life void of creativity, void of a muse. Void of meaningful relationships with other people, as she had brought him out of his shell. What he was most shocked at was not what he saw missing, but what he did see. Nothing.
He realized that no scenario could be built without his life being brought together with this muse, this companion in life. He was created for it, there wasn’t a piece of him that he didn’t owe to her.
Though he never learned anything specifically for her, she was his inspiration for it all. He learned music as an escape, and she provided a path to that freedom.
He smiled, and for a second laughed quietly to himself, hoping it would not wake her.
He wouldn’t change anything.
I have to say, the story of how I met my wife is a good one. The year: 2001. Location: The Pavilion Ice Skating Rink in Greenville, SC.
Rocky Creek Baptist Church's youth and children's pastor had scheduled a skate night for the children. I wanted to go with my little sister and dad, so I did. My friend Tyler showed up, believing it to be a youth function. I knew everyone there, everyone but two sisters: Connie, who was in elementary school and Dorothy, who was my age.
When we got onto the ice rink I noticed that my dad was skating with this very pretty girl. She was teaching my dad how to skate backwards. Dad had resigned from youth pastor about 8 months prior to this, so he was still in prime "relating to teenagers" mode. At some point before I saw them together, he had realized that these sisters didn't know anyone, and he befriended the older. Anyway- she was teaching my dad how to skate backward.
I remember the moment that I saw her- I remember most of that moment, except what I was doing. It was as if I was completely out of the moment, simply an audience to her existence. She was wearing a black blouse with a red floral pattern on it, smiling and laughing as my dad comically tried to skate in reverse. But alas, I was transparent. I continued skating with my friends, but now aware that a cute girl was in the vicinity.
On the ride back, I was sitting with Tyler in the middle of the bus. The seat that would later become "Dorothy and my seat". Dorothy was sitting in the back, with my dad, who was getting to know his skating partner. I remember being quiet so I could hear what she was saying, and I learned her family had recently moved from Houston, Texas, and that she was in 7th grade. My dad asked her "What school do you go to?" Dad: thank you for asking that question. She responded, "Hillcrest Middle School."
"O, really? My son goes there!" My dad responded. "Josh!"
I turned around, pretending that I had not been listening to their conversation, and at the same time trying to pretend that I was the coolest person in the world.
"What, Dad?"
"I want you to meet someone- this is Dorothy.... Nowak? Did I get that right?" He re-affirmed her name, and when she nodded, he turned to me.
"She just moved here from Houston, and she goes to your school. She is also in 7th grade."
"O, cool. It's nice to meet you." I responded in a way that can only be classified as the awkardness of 12yr old boy. I smiled, waved, and turned back around.
Later that night, my dad and I told my mom about this girl we had met. Me, my dad, and a few friends had started a Bible study at Hillcrest Middle the year before called "Blaze." My dad suggested inviting her to it the next day at church, to which I agreed.
Now, I am a shy person, but back then- I was 10x worse. I didn't want you to know I got excited about anything. But that next morning at Sunday service, my dad handed me a brochure for Blaze and reminded me to invite her.
"Can't you do it, Dad?" I asked, focusing only on what this girl would think of me, not even thinking she would remember me.
"No, it would mean a lot to her if you did." Again, Dad: thank you!
"Okay"
I looked for her, and I saw her and her family walking out of the church. I psyched myself up (somehow), and ran after her, yelling "Dorothy!" (I am convinced to this day that someone else had taken control of my body at that moment in time)
She turned around, and her family stopped in the aisle.
Now somewhat out of breath because of the adrenaline and sprinting and yelling, I said,
"Here's an invitation to that Blaze thing we told you about yesterday." I got the chance to talk to her, but I still had to play it cool.
Well, luckily she came to Blaze, regardless of the pathetic invitation she got. We became friends, which turned into best friends. And all the while I thought, "Man, this girl is cute." And all the while, she never noticed. If you have ever seen a teen movie, I was the quintessential "best friend in love with the girl."
Eventually, she realized my feelings for her, and her feelings for me grew. But that's a story for another day.
lightning in the dark
Here are a couple videos of me playing some of my new songs. Hope you enjoy!
Southern Summer Skies
Home
am i defined by your love
am i weighed by your touch
do i find myself wanting
at the sound of your voice
from down the long dark hall
can i find my self in your heart
can i find my worth in your soul
will i read my autobiography
by staring in your eyes
silver chocolate bells and little candy mints
the rhythm of my heart is in your hand
beating once for you
and once for me
once again for you
then me
lovesong and a card
they may say it, in a way
but the words of my love
are not found in ink or voice
for they are found in the trees
it is felt in the air
it is heard from the moon
and it is seed from my face
the sun may have shined, it may have rained
he didn't notice, but he did notice her
he tried to come up with a metaphor to tell others on how she looked
but he came up with nothing
Spent my days up in Boston
Riding subways and learning faces
But the only thing I knew was you
Spent my news down in New Orleans
The fun was cheap and the love was free
But you were all that I need
My maps covered from things I've seen
But the only thing I need
Take me home
Take me home
Take me far away from the lights of the city
The buildings, the cars, the lives that are busy
Home
Baby take me home
Spent a summer in LA
Smelled the ocean and I saw the Bay
But you were on my mind
Spent a weekend in New York
Lived a life I didn't know before
But I missed the touch of you
The coming days bring joy and sadness
Infinite fear of finite possibilities
Hope for tomorrow and longing for the past
Creates a swirl, like a hurricane, in today
The hurricane rages and blows with force
Flooding memory lane and dream street
All in one swift move, it moves through town
The eye of the storm, giving rise to love
The love now comes through
LIke lightning at night
Like dew in the morning
But water and electricity shouldn't mess
And so the coming days bring joy and sadness
Impossible completion and plausible ends
I long for today, and no one else
Today, I long for you.
The leaves they fall in pattern
A race to the finish
As the wintry mix
begins to hold its family reunion
Your hand is cold to touch, but mine
is warm enough for two
so come on over, and watch the
reports with me.
Listen to the leaves die for what they believe in.
For i need you here. In my jumbled mess. I my times
of confusion that mixes with the outside air. And we feel it, we all do.
It's just as much a part of us as white blood cells and neurons.
I look at you, and the sun runs off in terror of the moon.
I can't help but imagine the future of past actions, the way you learned to walk. To talk, and how it brought you into my winter life.
the perfect words/ the perfect rhyme
the perfect end to a perfect night
the way you looked/ when you looked at me
that heart stopping smile that you flashed at me
prechorus:
you spoke- i listened/ you hoped- i'm wishing
chorus
those summer nights under the southern skies
from the sandy beaches to the silent drives
the way we laughed, the way we cried
the way neither one of us could say goodbye
under those southern summer skies
lying here/ in your arms
your singing me your favorite song
the sun goes down/ i kiss your lips
i'm dying to tell you everything i feel
summer's gone/ time to head back home
back to friends/ gone from summer loves
i lie in bed/ and think of you
and how if i could i would jump to you
just nine more months/ i'll be on my way
going back to our special place
i was standing on the edge of nowhere
waves were crashin in the night
moonlight guides my path across the shoreline
you cross my path, walk into my life
the trouble with love is that its always a mystery
two hearts trying to find their way in the dark
ups and downs and stupid little love songs
walking hand in hand as we fall apart
what you said to me
changed everything i thought i'd be
what you said to me
changed everything i could ever be
run, we'll run
hold on to the moment, until it's said and done
run, we'll run
the sun might not set, and tomorrow might not come
so run, we'll run
and the clocks will wait for us
you were walking wearing that purple sundress
talking about life like you had it all figured out
i told myself that this time would be different
but i still fell headfirst, i took the dive
i'm stuck on you
like dew to a blade of grass
i'll leave by force- but always leave a part of me behind
i'm stuck on you
like white on rice
or some other really lame line
and you'll never lose me.
you loved me through the hard times
and i can't deny you were there in the good
something in me needed something in you
so much it hurt
not a physical pain, mind you
but a pain nonetheless
a pain that seaped inside my soul
crying to be left out
and on the day our two souls merge
that spirit will unlock the door
hurling the pain back to its world
as you give me the gift of love
the rain danced off the window pane
like disco on the floor
the moon was rising high into the sky
you and i were laying on the couch by the fire
but the wood was sending sparks
into the room
they said the storm would pass
in a day or two
but the sun won't return all week
they say its been too long
that we need the rain
but i'll spend the night in the den
the ghouls come out at night
but i always lock the doors
and leave a single rose on the driveway
the rain mixed with the night
makes evening perfect in our house
safe and dry in the perfect world
the waves crashed poetically on the shore
the storm was coming and we both knew it
we had to make a choice
a life of love and us
or that secret longing of what could have been
our hands touch gently as we walk
i walk ahead as you talk to your friend
i never thanked that friend- but i do it now
she convinced you to take that first kiss
that first step
that made my heart stop
nothing was ever the same after that.
to be continued
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