it seems the more i try to understand, the more God tells me to wait. the thing is, i view myself as a patient person. maybe its strange of me to desire to know where i will be living in 44 days, and if/where my future wife can get a job. i'm not upset at God, because God's timing is perfect, and mine is lousy. seriously- terrible timing. i'm not upset, i'm not angry. i'm confused. i don't feel impatient, i'd be fine except for the fact that i am in the dark.

God isn't going to leave me hanging. i know that. i believe that. i know God has a job lined up for dorothy. i know it. i know God has the perfect paying job for me, and the perfect place to live for us. and i would be fine if it all came through 30 minutes before the wedding, but i'd really like to know right now. because i am torn.

i feel called to where i am now. but there are circumstances in my life that make me question. for example- out of close to 30 jobs i have applied to over the past two months, i have gotten 4interviews. one never called me back, one was for about 50 dollars a week and rather sketchy, and two still have potential. same with dorothy- every hospital job has "gone a different route". she had a 3.97 GPA. that is one B in her entire college career. she knows her stuff and is a great nurse. i keep thinking to myself- "maybe this is God telling us to leave." maybe it is God telling us to go on faith more. but right now i'm confused.

yeah, i know from the point of view of someone outside the ministry- ministers/ministry people shouldn't talk like this. this sounds like i don't have faith in God. that isn't true. i know God is going to provide. i simply don't know where.

if you are in the ministry you understand. if not you don't have a clue. i grew up with a minister dad, and i still didn't know.

here is my situation: i am called to ministry. working in a ministry that doesn't pay. i love it. every bit of it- from the praising Jesus as my job to taking out the trash and cleaning the bathrooms when needed. but i can't support a family with an unpaying job.

dorothy is a super-genius who should get a job that pays enough to support. job opportunities are low for her here. dilemma: i am called by God to be here, but there needs to be funds to support my family, whether from dorothy or from God makes no difference, they both are from God in the end, and beginning.

if you are new to my blog, maybe this isn't the best post for you to read, except to know that ministers don't have that red phone that connects directly to God. we all have to have the same faith- the faith that requires every ounce of energy and life you have. i just simply needed to write this all out. i know i am protected by God, and that God has a place for me, and that He will provide for me.

but please pray for me and dorothy as we discover what our new life will look like. pray that God will reveal himself to us, and that we will be strong enough to step out on faith, to look at Him even if it means turning away from luxuries- or even if it means turning away from what we view as necessities.

obviously. but what i am beginning to realize is that i am no longer a college student any longer. Which means that i can no longer spontaneously go out and socialize without a care in the world. I wish i was still at that point in my life, and I have tried to fight it, but I am an adult now...

Apparently adulthood arrives at your doorstep with a calendar already 1/2 filled of busy dates and appointments. This was obvious when the other two interns/volunteers at Capstone and I were going to work on a video today, and I went up when I got the call. When I arrived at the building, I found that a meeting was taking place and we could not record then. I had left my fiancee and the dinner she had cooked for her family (not just me- I know not to do that!). I realized that I could have had even just 30 more valuable minutes with her. I am an adult.

What this means, if you have not gone through this or are currently, is that while, yes, you can still hang out with friends and have fun- you have to basically say goodbye to the "pick up the call from your friend and meet them at the movies 5 minutes later" moments. Those moments are few and far between. I like at least 5 hours notice, depending on what's going on with me and Dorothy.

The reason for this is as follows: my schedule defaults any free time to Dorothy. it is a setting I chose by putting a ring on her finger and asking her to marry me. It isn't a bad thing. And sometimes I can change the plans and hang out with other people, but I no longer like wasting time when I could be with Dorothy (by wasting time I mean sitting in a hot building waiting for a meeting to end...)

to those of you who experienced this a long time ago- I understand now. Thank you for being understanding with me as I tried hard to comprehend why someone would pass on hanging out with me to hang out with their wife/fiancee/girlfriend. especially to my friend charlie.

this is an exciting journey i am going through right now, but man is it confusing!

Ok, so this tag "The Journey" is going to be the place where I just talk about what all is happening in my life, so that you can follow along and experience things with me. Hope you enjoy the ride. I will be honest in these posts, releasing my thoughts and emotions on events, whether good or bad.

Journeys always begin with change. Why? because its a journey, not a "stay where you are." This journey, like all, began with a change. I left my role as youth pastor at FBCEFR this past Sunday (4/4/10), in order to take an internship at Capstone Church in Fountain Inn. I will be serving under some great people, learning the ins and outs of worship leading.

While this is something I have wanted for a while, I was obviously sad to leave the youth that I had spent the past year with. I have developed amazing relationships with them that I know will last forever, but its always hard to say goodbye. Also- I suck at goodbyes. Goodbyes are awkward- cuz part of you wants to say that "one thing" that makes people go "Wow! What a great goodbye!" and part of you wants to ignore everything because its just too hard.

Sunday, all I could think was, "Is this really God's will for me, or did I just ruin a ministry that God was blessing?" But God continually reminds me that I am to begin this journey, this new path. So I have started walking. I don't know every stop that I'm making, I barely know the next stop, but I do know that God will provide me with what I need for the trek.

I have wanted to be a worship leader since my sophomore year of college (2years ago), and while I was able to work at Rocky Creek Baptist as the youth worship intern for a year, not many opportunities came around. But I have to say, God has really opened up doors in the past two weeks.

Another big thing on this journey I know call life is marriage. And all of its sidekicks (you know, housing, jobs, furniture). Luckily Dor has found a hospital looking for some RN's around here, and I do have to say she is one of the smartest people I have ever met, and one of the most dedicated!
I on the other hand, am still having trouble finding a paying job. Hopefully I can find some funds for the internship, but I need to find some way to help pay the bills.

And that is where I am right now: a college student who is hopefully graduating, spending all of his days at his computer working on his senior paper, getting married in 4 months, and starting a new exciting job. I dreadfully miss my students, and don't think I will ever get over the impact they have had on me.

Stay tuned for more!