it seems the more i try to understand, the more God tells me to wait. the thing is, i view myself as a patient person. maybe its strange of me to desire to know where i will be living in 44 days, and if/where my future wife can get a job. i'm not upset at God, because God's timing is perfect, and mine is lousy. seriously- terrible timing. i'm not upset, i'm not angry. i'm confused. i don't feel impatient, i'd be fine except for the fact that i am in the dark.
God isn't going to leave me hanging. i know that. i believe that. i know God has a job lined up for dorothy. i know it. i know God has the perfect paying job for me, and the perfect place to live for us. and i would be fine if it all came through 30 minutes before the wedding, but i'd really like to know right now. because i am torn.
i feel called to where i am now. but there are circumstances in my life that make me question. for example- out of close to 30 jobs i have applied to over the past two months, i have gotten 4interviews. one never called me back, one was for about 50 dollars a week and rather sketchy, and two still have potential. same with dorothy- every hospital job has "gone a different route". she had a 3.97 GPA. that is one B in her entire college career. she knows her stuff and is a great nurse. i keep thinking to myself- "maybe this is God telling us to leave." maybe it is God telling us to go on faith more. but right now i'm confused.
yeah, i know from the point of view of someone outside the ministry- ministers/ministry people shouldn't talk like this. this sounds like i don't have faith in God. that isn't true. i know God is going to provide. i simply don't know where.
if you are in the ministry you understand. if not you don't have a clue. i grew up with a minister dad, and i still didn't know.
here is my situation: i am called to ministry. working in a ministry that doesn't pay. i love it. every bit of it- from the praising Jesus as my job to taking out the trash and cleaning the bathrooms when needed. but i can't support a family with an unpaying job.
dorothy is a super-genius who should get a job that pays enough to support. job opportunities are low for her here. dilemma: i am called by God to be here, but there needs to be funds to support my family, whether from dorothy or from God makes no difference, they both are from God in the end, and beginning.
if you are new to my blog, maybe this isn't the best post for you to read, except to know that ministers don't have that red phone that connects directly to God. we all have to have the same faith- the faith that requires every ounce of energy and life you have. i just simply needed to write this all out. i know i am protected by God, and that God has a place for me, and that He will provide for me.
but please pray for me and dorothy as we discover what our new life will look like. pray that God will reveal himself to us, and that we will be strong enough to step out on faith, to look at Him even if it means turning away from luxuries- or even if it means turning away from what we view as necessities.
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Josh, I just read this post this morning and it really spoke to me as Brian and I are in a time of change where, like you said, we are in the dark. I do have a paying job, but Brian does not. Who knows when it will come? We are picking up keys to an apartment tomorrow and will be leaving what has been home for 3 years. Change and uncertainty everywhere, but you are right. Our timing is not God's and there is nothing we can do to change that. So the planner in me is going to have to sit back and relax knowing that God will decide what and when.
I'm glad it spoke to you. Dorothy got her job 2 weeks after the honeymoon, which was perfect timing because it allowed us to settle in, she really would not have been able to hand it before hand.
The months surrounding this post were the closest I have ever felt to God, because I was able to see first-hand his love, provision, and guidance. And I know you guys will as well.
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