today was bad. terrible things didn't happen, it was just stressful. more stressful than any exam or anything i have experienced, because money that wasn't mine was on the line, and i had to make the decision.

during that time, i realized something pretty mindblowing for me: i'm not God. believe it or not, i can't run the universe (even though i try to many days).

i realized that God could solve this problem without an ounce of frustration or stress, and yet, it destroys me.

the problem wasn't really all that big, looking back on it, as much as it seemed then. funny how, at the time it seems like the world stops for our problem. how dare someone be a jerk to us when we are facing this problem.

i realized today just how big God is. just how powerful God is. and just how much we need Him. (if you don't know yet, the answer to all of those questions is "a lot")

this doesn't mean we won't face stress, because we still will. we as humans will always blow things out of proportion. we will always take out our aggression on things that will cause us more frustration.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i'm not God, and neither are you. are problems are actually pretty small compared to the stress Christ felt before His betrayal. who do we think we are? sorry if that sounds harsh, but we're not. the sooner we learn that the better.

the idea of you jumpstarted my heart
that beating organ of blood and love
i'd given it all up, i'd had enough
pain to fill 6 lives of mistrust
too many times had i fallen ill
the the wicked witch behind the mask
i had given up, i said "no more"
until i met you, the diamond in my eye
the songs alone couldn't test or try
the love that so holds us, the love that binds
and so i sit and think when i'm alone
about the times and places near and far
trying to imagine life without your touch
and its dark

the drive was long
we'd had enough
of love
of life
of broken hearts
as headlights broke
silently through the fog

the journey started
a happy tale
of love
of life
of happy hearts
drifting through
the open road

the wheel was straight
motives true
of love
of life
of beating hearts
the lines now guided
the tire's treads

but the air grew dark
the fragrance stunk
of love
of life
of undead hearts
the solid beat of life
was gone now lost

our voices loud
a fleeting sound
of love
of life
of enraged hearts
tales of infidelity
taking the wheel

your tear stained face
my bloodshot eyes
of love
of live
of unmended hearts
the road, now silent
wanted to stop

the radio loud
we've given up
on love
on life
on broken hearts
tales of ever after
still lurking in our mind

simplicity
it was the simplity of life
that drew me to you
the world spun round
and threw its fits
but we stayed strangely calm.

driving back in the middle of the night
giving the air the time
of day
the complications that would
surely follow don't
compete with the joy i've found now.

it was the simplicity
that drove me away
that feeling in my gut
that nothing was as it seems
put bubbles in my blood
worried

anxious for everything
lying ahead
trying to find the yearly calm
all i wanted was an escape
a break into the simplistic
perfect
life

ah, spring is in the air, which for a college student means papers, projects, tests, all-nighters, poor diets, and finals. tack on jobs (which most students have) and relationships, and there is rarely time left for thoughts. i cannot remember the last time i sat down and read. last semester, really until february, i read one to two books a month, and not short books. i read a ton, and loved it. but i haven't had time lately, and i have that.

my movie review blog, www.joshwilliamsmovies.blogspot.com, hasn't been updated since I think january. the last movie i reviewed was Gran Torino. i haven't had time to review them. i apologize for that.

you really don't ever notice your life flying past you. you wake up, and its gone. but its not our fault, is it? we didn't choose to study instead of basking in God's glory, did we? but we must press on, keeping our eyes on the goal, whatever it is.

just had to get that out there.

one last thing- be sure to check out my newest blog, www.rechargetoday.blogspot.com, for news and information concerning the student ministry at fbcefr.

As the night air blew, he walked silently into the dark alley. The key, hidden in his hand, felt fire hot- he dropped it several times. His heart beat fast, and his head drowned in thoughts.
The past 30 minutes have replayed on a loop, like a record needle stuck on a scratch. But the memories had no sound, were sped up by 1.5x, just fast enough to seem like a nightmare.

He had met her for coffee. He wore a new shirt, she wore dark sunglasses and a long coat, which covered most of her face. He found it odd to wear sunglasses at night at the time. Before he had finished his first sip of the caffeinated brew, she held his hand. It felt cold. When she removed it he saw a key in his hand. He slid it into his pocket, without a word. His heart skipped a beat at the thought of getting lucky with her, of new love being sparked.

She got up quickly, and knocked over her purse. Out fell a diamond ring. A wedding ring. Her wedding ring. She picked it up, and gave him a look that said it was unimportant. She walked away as he caught his breath.

His memory caught up with the present. Here he stood, between desire and infidelity. He closed his eyes for a bit longer than the standard blink, and opened them looking at the key in his hand. It was as if closing his eyes would make the key disappear. But the key remained, as real as ever.

If he entered, he would experience a passion that he had desired for so long. Yes, he would feel bad, but he would not regret it. He would leave in the morning, and await her husband's next business trip. It was everything he thought he wanted, everything he felt he should want.

He could see her apartment light on upstairs. She was waiting on him, and he was standing at her door. He was standing at the moral crossroads, out of breathe and out of guidance. He closed his eyes one more time and breathed in. It was the deepest breath of his life. Without thinking he opened his eyes, and watched his arm throw the key deep into the alley's abyss.
He panicked, and for a moment tried to search for the key, hoping to reclaim her touch, but it was no use.

He walked out of the alley, back into the streetlights. He looked up into her window with a yearning that burned, even while knowing it was the worse choice. He saw her standing, and he saw a shadow. A man's shadow. Her husband has come home early.

The streetlights seemed to always put situations into perspective for him, now regretting spending the time to search for the lost key. He continued on his way back home, to sleep soundly and without regret. He would awake in the morning, without regret or sorrow, and live his life.